Words spoken in sincere lies, taken straight to the soul, pulling the wool over your eyes, even though in your heart you know. You know the truth but can't accept it to be true. So you let the lies fill your heart. Pretending you never knew, but you can only turn your head for so long, your world will be shattered soon. You pretend to sing a happy song, but in reality blue is your new tune.
Heartache. Pain. I sit and feel these things in my chest. Unable to quite pinpoint the cause of these feelings. I no longer want to be happy. But why? I strive to welcome my depression this time. I almost rejoice at the sadness that takes over my soul. It fills me with the bitter sides of life, yet I now feel whole. A familiar feeling, this is far from the first time it has come knocking on my door. Yet this is the fist time I've actually been looking forward to it. I let it take control of my mind instead of fighting it. Wanting to no longer be what I am, yet afraid to break that protective shell away. Afraid to let people into the real me but I no longer want to hide, no longer want to pretend. For it takes too much out of me to fake my happiness. I no longer have the motivation to keep that front up. So I contemplate becoming a hermit once again. Hiding from my friends, becoming my own company. Having the time I want and need to sort my thoughts, but not wanting to explain myself or answer questions that I have no real answers for. Not wanting to hurt anyone, but tired of hurting myself by hiding. No longer wanting to hide but also not wanting to let anyone in. So in ways I'd still be hiding. but in ways I would also be free. Free to enjoy my depression, free to be in love with my sadness.
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