Feb 97~ Lost

Pain in my head. My eyes threaten to close. Lost in my thoughts. Scared of what's to come. Anticipation of my worst fears. Trying to put off what has to be done. Ghosts that visit bring back old pain. Part of me wants to forget, part of me wants to grab it and hold on. "Grab it and run". I dream of a time that is but a fantasy in my heart. I pray to the moon goddess for my wishes to come true. But does anyone hear? Am I invisible? Or just not worthy enough to pay attention to? My feelings are so numb, it's all I can feel. My fears sit like a ton of bricks at the bottom of my stomache as I hope and pray that they don't come true. Uneasy at this prospect. Scared to have to finally face it. Tears have threatened all day long. I try to let them come this time, but they stop after they sting my eyes. Not even quite sure why I'm so sad, but I am. Lost in my sadness, waiting for the answers.